This may seem dark, depressing and a bit taboo to even talk about – but why not, it’s important. We have all been there before at some point in our lives. It’s what I call ‘the point of no return’ or ‘dark night of the soul’. It’s that moment when you feel you cannot utterly go on any more and to check out of life seems like the only choice.
As a coach I am great at pulling people out of the darkness by shining a light of hope and transformation into their lives. I attribute my effectiveness to the fact that I have been there – done that, felt that and can totally relate.
It’s funny just when you think you have it all figured out, is when it strikes the hardest. All of a sudden, wham – life hits you with a super hard curve ball and there you are again at the end of your rope ready to jump into the abyss. You forget you have been here before and you WILL come through.
I believe the biggest transformations come from the darkest moments – the times you just break down and have no choice but to surrender to life. There is something powerful in the human spirit that can conquer this darkness and allow the crack of light to come in and it carries you through it, so you are able to open up to what’s next.
Simply thinking positive and all the other self-help techniques fly out the window when you are cloaked in your own misery at this level. Yesterday was one of those days for me. As I fumbled through my mental file of transformational techniques and super powers, I realized not one of them was a remedy I was able to swallow. In my current state of upset the regular stuff just wasn’t cutting it. I didn’t want to breathe, workout, journal, meditate, read, get coached, be of service, do random acts of kindness, walk, be in nature or even do yoga. The this one method came to mind:
- Get real about what you feel – what is it you really feel and why
- Find a reason to BE here – someone, something that needs you
- Put Positive In – stop the downward spiral by putting in good
I needed something that would stop my downward spiral of negative thoughts and was a low-level energy commitment, that could steer my mind away from ME for just a little bit. When you are in this space you are caught on a freight train of gloom and doom and just need to STOP and get off the track. Facing it head on can be one strategy for that.
So, I got clear that I was actually angry, sad, frustrated, and a bit lost. Once I admitted that to myself the weight of it all began to lift a little. Be gentle with yourself you may not go from wanting it all to end, to being inspired into action, but you can be with IT a little easier as you find your reason to be here and ways to put some positive in.
Next I chose to lie in bed, cuddle with my dogs (my one reason) and watch a heart-warming movie. All great stories of triumph over challenges are known as hero’s journey. Most great movies we love have this theme weaved through it: like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Avatar and more. We resonate with it because it is the story of life and of the human spirit prevailing.
In the mist of getting lost in the movie and basking in the cuddle love from my doggies, I was reminded we all face challenges, each and every one of us, that seem insurmountable at the time. We are the hero that faces obstacles, adversity, heartache and more as we journey to find our strengths, gifts, loves and meaning. You are not alone in how you feel and we all go through our own sh*t storms of life. Seeing someone else overcome his or her challenges, reminds us that we can too.
Remember it is always darkest before the dawn – meaning once you pull through this dark feeling something wonderful awaits you on the other side. For me each time I have felt this way a significant shift or change opened up something for me. It may not happen overnight, but I promise it is preparing you for something greater. Allow life to go on and don’t forget you are the hero of your own life story with a happy ending waiting for you.